Naruto High Priest: Holy Book of Log
by Ten no ochi-o
Summary: Our favorite blonde never seems to have a very religious life, now does he? But what would happen if religion gave him a good knock in the head? Now as a follower of the log, will Naruto manage to follow his new dream as well as his old one? Pairings undecided! No Lemons! Serious beginning! Strong Naruto!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey guys! I again apologise for my next to immediate close to my previous fanfic. I am starting a new one, as you can see. This is NOT a serious fic (It may seem like it at times, this is my first jab at ANYTHING humorous), but it will be a fairly godlike Naruto. I repeat, this is purely intended as HUMOR. I hope that my grammar is better. as you know if you read my first fic, I have fairly poor grammar and use run-on sentences far too often. And also, a special shoutout to fco ala, The only person who gave me a suggestion at the time of writing this. However, I am sorry fco ala, I am not using your idea, I didn't really understand what you meant. If you clarify, I MIGHT use it as another story. I dont even know if i'll write another story! If i get good positive feedback, I'll continue this. And when I say positive feedback, I mean even if only two people review my story and honestly stay with it, I will try to continue. I'm gonna try some cliffhangers as well. Sorry if this A/N is disorganized, I just add on when I think of something else. Oh yeah, The characters may seem unrealistically mature, even considering the fact that they were forced to mature at a young age, due to their chosen line of work. Don't worry though, I won't have any college level 2 year olds. It agitates me when that happens.**

**Summary: Our favorite blonde never seems to have a very religious life, now does he? But what would happen if religion gave him a good knock in the head? Now as a follower of the log, will naruto manage to follow his new dream as well as his old one?**

**I don't own Naruto**

**Chapter One**

A six year old boy lay in the corner of a dark alley, beaten, bloody, and bruised. Now you might ask yourself, how could there be any reason for this poor boy's condition. The answer is quite simple; the villagers are dense and stupid. This boy is the village's resident Jinchuuriki, Naruto Uzumaki.

"why do they hurt me?" Naruto cried out as he lay in a pool of his own blood, although the wounds were already healing "I've never done anything to them." almost as soon as the words came out of his mouth, an object hit him square in the back of the head. 'stupid villager' he thought as he turned around. he looked around to see who hit him, only to see whoever it was was already gone. 'might as well see what they threw' he deliberated while looking around. As he trailed his eyes along the ground, he noticed a book. 'is that what they threw?' he mused 'the people at the orphanage always said that I couldn't have books, and that demons shouldn't learn to read. From the few words that Naruto knew, he made out "The Holly Bok of Loog?" naruto pondered as he picked said book up. "huh, it must be a Christmas book!. Maybe I should go talk to jiji about this." Naruto walked to the hokage tower, all the while trying to avoid the cold glares sent his way. As he finally reached the tower, the secretary stood in front of the door as naruto tried to walk in,

"What are you doing here demon?" the secretary asked with no small amount of venom.

"I need to talk to jiji, now let me through!"

"I'd rather see you dead, brat. In fact, why don't I see to it that you are." she said with a wicked grin as she reached under her desk for a hidden kunai.

The hokage stormed from his office. "What's going on here?!" he bellowed. once he looked at the two bothering his 'reading' time, blushing at the thought of his students small orange book, he could quite easily see what was wrong. "You're fired!" he screamed at his secretary, spit flying from his mouth. She tried to stutter something out, but the god of shinobi simply continued "Expect to have a conversation with ibiki. Now Naruto, what's wrong?" Finally noticing the boy's bloody attire, the hokage grew furious once again. This time however, he tried to conceal it, if only for the boy's sake.

"Jiji, I found this awesome book, can you teach me how to read it?" Naruto asked his grandfather figure.

"What do you mean Naruto? didn't the people at the orphanage teach you to read?" although Hiruzen already had a guess what happened.

"What do you mean? Were they supposed to? They always said Demons shouldn't read."

Hiruzen felt his anger begin to overflow "Yes Naruto, they were supposed to. Now what happened to your clothes?"

"Oh, it was the villagers again, they attacked me." Naruto saw his jiji begin to get angry. confusing it with anger at him, he tried to apologise "I'm sorry jiji! I didn't do anything, I swear!"

Sensing his almost-grandson's troubles, he said to him "Don't worry Naruto, I'm not mad at you, you didn't do anything wrong. Now then, let's go get you cleaned up."

The two walked through the hokage tower heading towards the living quarters and more specifically the bathroom. "Now than Naruto, while I get you washed up, can you tell me what the book is called?" The old man spoke, trying to distract Naruto as he began undressing him to wash him.

"Sure jiji! I think it's a christmas book, because it says 'holly' on it, but i don't know for sure. It's called 'the holly bok of loog'!, sounds cool, doesn't it?"

"Can I see that book Naruto?"

"Of course! It's in my pocket!"

"Which one, left or right?"

"What's a 'left or right'?"

"Never mind naruto, I'll find it" The old Sarutobi stated, one again with barely contained fury 'Today doesn't seem good for my blood pressure' He thought as he reached into the boys track suit and found the item of his attention. he pulled out a weathered book, wondering about the age. As he looked at the cover, he grew surprised. "Naruto! this isn't the 'Holly Bok of Loog'! this is an ancient copy of the 'holy book of log'! It's a religious text."

"Can you still help me read it?" Naruto asked, with a hint of depression in his voice.

"sure Naruto, I'll teach you how to read. Do you still want to be a ninja Naruto?"

"Yeah!"

"well than, I'll enroll you in the academy for next year. You'll definitely need to learn to read if you want to attend."

"Yay! thank you jiji!" Naruto shouted while splashing around in the tub.

"It's no problem Naruto, shall we start your lessons now?"

"Yeah!"

**Time Skip - 12 months**

"Ok Naruto, this is your first day at the academy. Before you go, I have a gift for you for completing your reading assignment" the aged hokage said, holding his hands behind his back

"REALLY?! what is it?! what is it?!" Naruto yelled as bounced around the poor old man

"Relax Naruto, think about it, what was the whole reason you wanted to learn to read in the first place? I said you could have it after you finished your lessons?"

"The Holly Bok of Loog?" Naruto questioned as hiruzen groaned

"Read the name again Naruto"

"The Holy Book of Log? But what happened to the holly bok of loog?" At first, the boy's substitute grandfather looked proud, but at the last part, He face faulted.

"there is no 'holly bok of loog' Naruto, you just misread it at first. Anyways Naruto, you should get to your class, it's room 301. Remember, your teacher's name is Iruka."

And with those simple words, Naruto began the short trek to the building, and the long journey towards his dream.

**A/N: And that's the prologue, more like ch. 1, but it was mostly introductory material anyway. I realize that there is a lot of mistakes, and if it bothers you, send me a pm with the section it's in and the error itself, and I'll fix it up for you. Once again, I'm so sorry for the last story if you read it, but I lost my way completely, and didn't even have a small idea where I was going with the last one. I believe that it is extremely rude to not finish a story, however, I also realize there are exceptions. for instance, I would have continued to write even if I had lost all motivation, but as I had backed myself into a corner, I could not continue. I WILL finish this story, nothing short of amnesia will stop me. If i stop writing for a more than 2 months, send me a pm, it may have slipped my mind. no pun(?) intended. I will begin work on the second chapter immediately. I have no definite pairing, so send me a comment with who and why! Tell me if I pace things way to fast though will ya? Send me comments, they keep me going! **


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER 1**

**Disclaimer: After many hours of hard work, and much research, I've come to the conclusion that I would have a molecular chance of owning Naruto if the irresistible force meets the immovable object. However, this would only take place in an alternative universe and by my calculations, I will never own Naruto in this dimension. Perhaps if I can make something from nothing, a chakra prototype to be worked into , and maybe a fully functional prosthetic limb? I better get on that. Oh yeah, I don't own the actual holy book of log. I will be using a few excerpts I found on the facebook page. If you haven't seen it, go check it out. Respective contributions to their rightful owner.**

As Naruto walked the sidewalk to the academy, he was not as naive to not see the parents telling their students to stay away from them. 'So much for having friends' Naruto thought with a sigh. He really hated the fourth hokage sometimes, why did he have to seal such a beast in him huh? Indeed, through Naruto's studies, the fourth hokage saw fit to tell Naruto the 'truth' about that night, although he still kept many secrets from him, and Naruto was aware. As Naruto entered the class, he noticed he awas the first to enter, and as such, got to pick his seat. He chose a seat near the window with a large amount of natural light going in. The boy reached into his coat pocket and pulled out the book his grandfather gave him, and flipped it open. As he thumbed through the first few pages, he found himself quite engrossed in the book. before he knew it, it was midday and the teacher had called on him to answer a question.

"What was the religion of the first hokage Naruto?" the sensei asked

"We haven't taught them that yet Mizuki!" Another teacher added quite frustratedly

"It's fine Iruka, he wasn't paying attention anyways, so it doesn't matter" The now named Mizuki told Iruka with a smirk.

"The First hokage's religion? He was a worshipper of the log, a high priest of log, eventually the log pope, and most importantly he was the first documenter of the Holy log, and author of this book. He firmly believed his mokuton was a gift from the holy log, but the doctors and scientists said that it was just a mutation in his blood." Naruto said, with a smile the whole way

All the while, both Iruka and mizuki were furiously flipping through the text books. "That's… Correct Naruto! Good job!" Mizuki said with no small amount of hidden contempt.

"No way that dobe got it!" a random student yelled, and the uproar started. Naruto began to sink farther and farther into his seat, growing more depressed by the moment. Surprisingly, his moment of salvation came from the most unexpected of places.

As the students continued the uproar, just as the teachers were about to step in, One student asked the most popular class his thoughts on the subject "Ha how stupid is that baka, huh Sasuke?" Sakura asked, nudging him.

"He answered the question didn't he? that's more than I can say for you." Sasuke responded

You could hear a pin drop at hearing the most unsocial boy in class, and the most popular boy in school, compliment the loser. As the uproar was about to start back up, The teacher, Iruka, stepped back in and continued to teach.

As class ended, Naruto waited until after class to leave the room, and noticed the only other two students left were Shikamaru, who was sleeping, and sasuke, who was sitting in the corner opposite him. Naruto approached Sasuke, meaning to thank him for defending him today. "Hey, Sasuke was it? Thanks for helping me out today, but why did you do it?"

"Hn. I've seen how the villagers treat you, while I'm treated like royalty. You're worse than dirt, while I'm seen as more important than the hokage." answered Sasuke, as if that explained everything.

Apparently it did "Thanks Sasuke, friends?" Naruto held out his hand in a fist, while Sasuke hesitated.

Slowly the Uchiha conceded, and reached his hand out to bump Naruto's own. "Sure" Sasuke said simply

On the inside, Naruto was ecstatic, however on the outside, he only allowed himself a small smile. "Let's start with introductions, ok?" he said

"What do you want to know?" Sasuke asked awkwardly, clearly not having many friends before

Naruto, who understood Sasuke's Awkwardness, helped him out. "How about your likes, dislikes, and maybe dreams as well."

"Well, I absolutely LOVE tomatoes, and although many don't know it, I like pickles, huge, juicy pickles. You know, the ones that squirt when you grab them?"*

"WHAAAAAT" Naruto interrupted "Sorry Sasuke, didn't know you played for the other team, but it's ok with me! I hope we can still be friends! just not more than that." he muttered the last part

Sasuke sat quietly for a while, wondering what he was freaked out about. after a few seconds, he finally understood, and his face flushed redder than any tomato he'd ever seen. "Not THOSE pickles! I am certain I'm straight, and the only possible way I could be gay is if some sick fangirl god made that happen!"

"Two things! first of all, I sure hope you're tellin the truth! second of all, how DARE you make out as if there were another god! are you unfaithful to the log?! how dare you?! The log will save your life time and time again as a ninja! and you dare disrespect it?!" Naruto ranted "Ok, go on with your introduction"

"Hn. Okay, as I was saying, I like tomatoes, my family, although they are no longer with us, and the fact that we can be friends. I hate my fangirls, some of them have potential and they refuse to see it! Anyways, I also hate my 'brother'" he said with a sneer "I hope I can one day avenge my clan and then rebuild it with a capable kunoichi, not some fangirl, Your turn"

"Okay, for starters I like my precious people, and would protect them with my life. Your one of the lucky few now Sasuke, so remember that!" Naruto said with a goofy grin "I also like ramen and hate the time it takes to cool! I hate that some people can't tell the difference between a scroll and a kunai. I, however, do NOT hate the people themselves" The jinchuuriki saw sasuke grow confused, so he elaborated "I might tell you later sasuke, it's a touchy topic. anyways, My dream for the future is to be hokage, and also the new log pope!"

"You keep talking about this 'log', but what is it?"

"You don't know of the log?!" he asked incredulously, seemingly forgetting he himself only learned of the log's almighty grace today. "Don't worry, I will teach you everything you need to know. Here is a holy excerpt from the holy scripture of holy proportions. This dictates the holy commandments that you must always abide by with utmost holy care.

One: Thou shalt never hurt a Log purposely.

Two: Thou shalt take care of the Log and the Log shalt take care of thee.

Three: Every 365 Moon Cycles thou shalt make a crusade to the Great Tree and make an offering so the Log will prosper.

Four: When thou commits heresy thou will be transformed to a disgraced Log and will burn Eternally in the unholy fires of Hell.

Five: When thou has died and lived the ways of the Log dutifully thou shalt take place in the afterlife in the Forest of Life."

All the while, you could hear Sasuke scribbling notes in the background and crying gently. "I'm a terrible person! How could I have been so ignorant for that long a time? I'm going to burn in Hell for all eternity! I deserve it too!" he balled.

Slowly Naruto approached him with a disarming gaze and firmly embraced him in a bro hug, and told his new friend and convert calmly "Relax Sasuke, the log is very understanding. Offer it your deepest apologies and regrets and the log will forgive you."

Sasuke, hearing what his friend had to say, began to calm down. He was beginning to truly realize the greatness of the log. "I understand, now let me say a quick prayer thanking the log for everything." and with that, he knelt down and bowed his head, offering a prayer of thanks and begging for forgiveness.

"Thank you Naruto, is there anyway I can get my hands on a book of scripture?"

"I'll see what I can do Sasuke, I'll see what I can do." The log worshipper replied as the two walked off towards Ichiraku ramen.

**So sorry about this chapter! It's not even like I took a long time to write a long chapter, this chapter is extremely short. I do, however, have an excuse. (It's up to you to decide if it's worth it or not (I personally believe it is not an acceptable excuse)) The file corrupted as soon as I was about done. I completely lost motivation for a good while. Posted this today because it's the last day of school and it's saved on a school computer. I realize that there are a metric shit ton (exactly ****204.62262**** more pounds than a normal shit ton) of mistakes, however I felt that I should post this chapter before I lost it. AGAIN. Thanks for reading, comment and subscribe please! As an afterthought, The one comment I DID get got me going again.**

**!IMPORTANT QUESTION ALERT!**

**Should I start writing Shinigami's gift again? People are still subscribing.**

**On another, happier note (Kind of!) I've recently gotten up to date on the single BEST Naruto FF ever, (the author is the one who inspired this story!(Don't let my shitty writing discourage you, he is a hell of a lot better than me.) The story is Yet Again with a little extra help by The Third Fang. The guys a legend, he broke the fabled one million words mark before he even finished the story! And that was just the first one, the sequel, 'Take two round two' is already over 200k words! Did I forget to mention he's still updating with huge chapters? Albeit rather slowly, but there still there. Some of the highest quality English syntax and spelling as well! I have nothing but praise for him, He is now my favorite FF author to date. KyuubiGoku being a close second. Be warned however, If you read his writing, you may find it hard to get hooked on one of the normal (shitty) stories on this site! Including mine. Waaaaah! Seriously though, I'm not kidding about finding it hard to get hooked on another FF after him.**


	3. Chapter 3 I'm so sorry! Here you go

Naruto: High Priest, Book of log.

**A/N: **

**Important : I'm so sorry! I actually had the new chap on the doc manager, I accidentally re-posted the old one! I am so embarrassed. I hope that didn't make anyone hate me or my story. I am so sorry. I'll remember to check in the future! Please don't hate me. XP**

**I really pulled this chapter out of my ass. I think I was high or something when I wrote this, I will rewrite this if you guys don't like it. I went a bit off the deep end with this one, Its no problem if you think I should rewrite this and continue the more serious aspect of the fic, or I can continue this crack fic. I have plans for either way!**

**Hey guys, here's the new update! This was extremely quick for me! I have supplied this chapter for the previous one was a momentous achievement! Are you ready? I got flamed! And three more reviews as well! I'm glad I got flamed because I didn't know how I would take it, but I took it in strides. In case you don't already know this, but I will not appreciate flames, however, I will take them into consideration. Remember, if you actually want me to change something or you have an idea, just leave CC! Its a lot more convincing. Btw, Sasuke auto-corrects to sapsucker XD**

**Ps. I know many of you guys think reviews don't mean much, but thats not true! They are what keeps me motivated, It shows me people actually care! If you dont have an account but are still reading this story, I have guest reviews enabled, so leave one behind for me :)**

**Thank you to those of you who actually read the authors note.**

**-REVIEW RESPONSES- I will try to do this every chapter.**

**OBSERVER101: Thank you, I'll try! I have a few more converts in store you might like 'evil smirk'**

**PheonixOfCreation: I'll help you out on the questioning of my sanity part! I don't have any! Hope that helps! ALL HAIL THE LOG! Thank you so much for the review**

**Mejciu: No, the yondiame hokage is not alive, I'm glad to clear this up though! I'm not sure how you got this though, please tell me :P I'm not a particular fan of the yondiame as a father, but I wont bash him, even if I do something with him later. I will NOT Bring him back to life. Thanks for reading and reviewing!**

**Anonymous Guest Flamer: I realize that the cliche at the beginning may not be funny per se, however, I hope I picked it up a little from here! I'm not proud of the beginning either. I, and likely many other authors would appreciate it if you grew a spine in the near future and either a. logged in, or b. made an account before you flame! Thank you for your comment though! Your the reason I wrote another chapter of this 'peace of trash story'! (You misspelled piece, not me!)**

**Disclaimer : I don't own Naruto just yet, however, I seem to have miscalculated about the chakra prototype, after doing some research, I've found that that will NOT be possible! Who woulda guessed eh? Certainly not you. Wait, what, you did? Bah, I bet even you couldn't think of this new solution I have! Here it is. I must warn you before you read it, its sheer brilliance may leave you a blind fool! OK, here it is. I will build a time machine, go back to the dinosaur age, blast off to the moon, catch a martian on the moon (EVERYONE knows that martians live on the moon) make him make me a mind control thingy, Come back, take over everyone's minds EXECPT Kishimoto, and then make everyone tickle him! HAHAHAHAHA. He will beg for me to take Naruto off his hands! Sheer genius no?**

**Without further ado, Let the games, BEGIN**

**~~~One year, two months, 3 days, 16 minutes, and 29 seconds later~~~**

The first year had been utter hell for Naruto, his only hope had been his new found friend Sasuke. They were now two months into the second year, and Naruto was sleeping in his seat next to Sasuke. Sasuke poked him in the side and Naruto jerked a bit. Unfortunately for them both, Iruka saw this movement and glared at Sasuke. Iruka beamed an eraser at Naruto's head, causing the boy to shoot upright, hitting Sasuke in the nose.

"WATCH IT NARUTO" came the voice of Sasuke's number one fan-girl, and Naruto's numero uno hater, other known as Sakura-Fan-Girl-Howler-Monkey-Demon-of-Utter-Annoyance-Who-Has-Made-Multiple-People-Deaf.

"Sakura, Quiet down! Naruto, pay attention!" Iruka yelled at each.

"Dobe" Sasuke muttered

"Shut it teme" Responded Naruto

"Train after school in the usual spot?"

"I'll beat you there"

"OK Class, we have a test today!" Iruka said as he passed out the piece of paper. LOG paper.

As Sasuke and Naruto got the paper, They noticed something off. Naruto brought the paper to his nose, took a big whiff, then tasted it. Has face grew into one of alarm "SASUKE DONT DO IT" Naruto screamed as he tackled Saussure and took his test.

"Hey! Give that back" He yelled

"No Sasuke, you don't want this! Its LOG PAPER!"

All the while Iruka had gained a sweat drop in the background

"GASP! No! He wouldn't!" Sasuke said to Naruto and turned his attention to Iruka, who had gained a nervous look in his eye. "HE WOULD" Iruka! This is a SIN! I refuse to write on this!"

Iruka gained a tick mark, but at Naruto's next comment, he grew rigid. "So Iruka-sensei, what happened to the rice paper? Hm? I sure hope I dont need to break out THE PAINT, do I?"

"b-b-b-but Naruto! Be reasonable! We ran out yesterday!"

"And you saw fit to give us a test today? On TREE paper?! Its bad enough that this building is made out of a good amount of fallen trees, but you would not only force us to work in this, this, this, this MUTIALTED LOG?! This monstrosity?! This murder?! NO! This is enough shame, however,This is TOO FAR! I believe I speak for Sasuke as well when I say, We will NOT take this test!

Iruka, now fearing for the color of his clothes, decided to lay off the boys. "Fine, the test is done, but only because you worship a LOG of all things.

Naruto, although affronted at that comment, knew when to accept things.

"Get back in your seats, Naruto, Sasuke."

~~~**Four hours later, Uchiha training grounds.~~~**

"Naruto, Want to spar?"

"Yes, but hold on, we have company."

All of a sudden, A miniature hippopotamus charged through the wall, right at Sasuke. Sasuke didn't see what was happening until Naruto launched a barrage of kunai at the raging hippo.

"What the hell is that?!" Sasuke yelled as he watched the beast fall before him.

"Look alive! There's more!" Naruto warned to Sasuke just before more of the raging beasts charged from the woods

Naruto delivered a sharp uppercut to one of the angry mammals. As Naruto and Sasuke continued to take down the intruders, A deep chattering noise could be heard from the woods, coming straight at them

"I hear something coming Naruto!"

"So do I Sasuke!" Naruto replied with fear on his voice.

All Of a sudden, their worst nightmare, the bane of the log, Charged though the woods, breaking a few trees on the way.

"Naruto, is that?" Sasuke asked fearfully

"Yeah, it is. To think one would find us here, let alone be daring enough to fight us in Konoha. Even if it succeeds to kill us, it will be put down. Is it's hate for the log truly so great?" It turned towards the duo with its beady red eyes. "I cant believe that one of its kind would be so angry at us."

"Yeah, to think that one of the squirrel higher-ups would see fit to eliminate us personally." Sasuke said

The two stood before the Gigantic squirrel, and reached for their weapon pouches.

**Hope you enjoy, remember, review! Its what keeps me going!**


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